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Why did the paramecium cross the road?
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Bacteria Jokes 


What do you call an amoeba that crosses the road, jumps in a mud puddle and crosses the road again?

A dirty double-crosser.


Two fish swim into a concrete wall.  The one turns to the other and says DAM!


Two hydrogen atoms meet.  One says "I've lost my electron."

The other says "Are you sure?"  The first replies "I'm positive."


What did the male bacteria say to the female bacteria?

Who needs biology when we have chemistry!


Why did the bacteria cross the road?

To prove he wasn't chicken.


What did one bacteria say to the other bacteria?

Your gene pool could use a little chlorine.


What do you call a sewer expert?

A connoissewer.


What is the only thing worse than a mecium?

A paramecium.


What is the definition of paramecium?

Two Latin mice.


What did the one toilet say to the other toilet?

You look flushed.


Why did the bacteria make fun of the protozoan?

He brought toilet paper to the crap game.


What did the male bacteria say to the female bacteria?

Let's convert our potential energy to kinetic energy.


Why do bacteria like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.


Did you hear someone broke into the local police station and stole the toilet?

Right now the cops have nothing to go on.


Why don't bacteria gamble in Las Vegas?

Because they believe a good flush always beats a full house.


If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.


What did one bacteria say to the other bacteria?

The problem with your gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.


Did you hear about Robin Hood's house?

It has a little John.


What did one bacteria say to the other bacteria?

Let's make like an amoeba and split.


What is bacteria?

The rear entrance to cafeterias.


What do you get when you cross a rabbit with an amoeba?

An amoebit.  It can multiply and divide at the same time.


Why did the amoeba cross the road?

It was time to split.


Why did the bacteria fail the math test?

He thought multiplication was the same as division.


Why did the bacteria cross the playground?

To get to the other slide.


Our favorite bumper sticker:

"Support bacteria; it is the only culture we have left."


Why did the paramecium cross the road?

To get to the diffuser bar in time for happy hour.


Where do bacteria go to resolve disputes?

The settling chamber.


Where do protozoa go to practice long jumping?

The hopper.


Where do bacteria go when they are confused?

The clarifier.


Why did the paramecium cross the road?

He was stuck to the chicken's butt.

Norwalk Wastewater Equipment Company, Inc.
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Viking Feces

A Wall Street Journal article reported the discovery of a 1000 year old Viking feces.  Dr. Andrew Jones, an archaeologist from York, England, believes the find to be most significant.  Dr. Jones said "This is the most exciting piece of excrement I've ever seen.  In its own way, it's as valuable as the Crown Jewels."  The ancient specimen has been titled the "Lloyd's Bank Turd" after the bank building under which it was found.